Watching a loved one struggle with an addiction, whether it’s alcohol, drugs, gambling or something else can be an incredibly stressful and challenging time for their friends and family. There are financial worries and physical worries, as well as the mental issues that often come with it. Naturally, you will want to do everything that you can to help them out, but have no idea where to start.
Here, we are going to take a look at what you can do to help someone who is struggling with substance addiction, whether that be alcohol or drugs. It is essential to try and seek help as soon as possible – addiction is a condition that can be life-threatening and very often leads to an early death. Read on to find out what you can do to help.
Educate yourself about addiction
We all think we know what addiction is, but until you are living in the grips of it, whether that is yourself or someone in your family, you do not quite know what it involves. Addiction is, quite simply, a disease. That is difficult to get our heads around sometimes – we think of things like cancer as a disease, things that we have absolutely no control over, but addiction is and should be treated as an illness. It is important to understand that before you do anything else to help your loved one.
“Addiction is a chronic disease characterized by drug seeking and use that is compulsive, or difficult to control, despite harmful consequences. The initial decision to take drugs is voluntary for most people, but repeated drug use can lead to brain changes that challenge an addicted person’s self-control and interfere with their ability to resist intense urges to take drugs.” (National Institute on Drug Abuse).
Approach with compassion
The person you are seeking help for might appear to be showing signs of ‘bad behavior’, but they are not bad people – they have an illness, as we mentioned above. Understanding this will help you to move forward and approach the situation. It can be very difficult, especially when their behavior negatively affects your life but remember, when someone is suffering from an addiction to a substance, they are not themselves. They are under the influence of powerful substances that can and do alter their mood and their minds and make them do things that they would not normally do.
If you have been physically or financially harmed by a person with an addiction, you may be inclined to be angry and lash out. While this is perfectly understandable in that situation, it will not help you or them. Someone who is addicted is likely to respond by getting defensive and perhaps even digging themselves deeper into their addiction.
Talk to them about their addiction
This one is a lot easier said than done, as many addicts are in denial about their condition, or are defensive and will not discuss it. However, if you think someone you care about has a problem with substance abuse, you should talk to them one-on-one first. Explain that you are concerned they may be addicted to drugs or alcohol and that you are worried about them. Sometimes, someone pointing it out to them is enough to encourage them to seek help, whether that’s attending something like an outpatient heroin rehab program or even just talking to their doctor or a counseller. Having information about organizations and people that can help at hand can be useful. If they are not in a place to seek help at that time, there is nothing stopping you from contacting some organizations such as Narcotics or Alcoholics Anonymous for advice on what steps to take next.
Ask for help from other friends and family members
It is important not to make the person with the addiction feel ganged upon as this can make them retreat even further, but sometimes, there is power in numbers. Addiction, as we mentioned above, affects the whole family unit, so talk to the other people involved and make plans about how you could work together as a team to combat the problem at hand. This may include an intervention, which leads us to our next point.
Stage an intervention
Again, there is a force in numbers, so staging an intervention with the family, and friends of the person with the drug or alcohol problem in a loving environment can be effective in helping them to face up to their demons. One way of doing this without making it feel like an attack is for everyone involved to write a letter, explaining why they are concerned. This gives everybody the chance to shed light on how the addiction has affected them on a personal level. The end goal of the intervention is to motivate the person to get help for their alcohol or drug abuse problem and provide them with the resources and information to help them. This is why understanding the problem, as we discussed in our first point, is so important.
Set boundaries for yourself
Dealing with a loved one who is suffering from substance addiction can be all-consuming, and can take over your own life, putting immense pressure on yourself. Even though you will naturally want to do everything you can to help them, it is important that you set some boundaries for yourself to protect your own wellbeing and mental health. When you hold the intervention, you should be prepared to explain to the addicted person that you are no longer willing to do certain things if they do not get help for their addiction. For some people, this may mean not giving them any more financial support; for others, it may be stepping away altogether until they have got help. Ultimately, it is up to you how involved you want to be, but make sure that it does not lead to your own health is affected.
Do not enable the addicted person
This goes hand in hand with the previous point about boundaries. When you love someone, you want to help them, even if that sometimes means making difficult choices. Saying no is one of those choices you will have to make if you want them to rise above their addiction. If you are asked to bail them out financially, you need to say no, if you are asked to help them out of a sticky situation caused by their addiction, you may need to say a friendly but firm ‘no’. The longer an addict has someone enabling them, the longer it will take for them to quit whatever they are addicted to.
Get support for yourself
Addiction is heartbreaking for everyone involved and can lead to problems of your own. If you feel like you need extra support, do not be afraid to reach out and ask for help. Alcohol and Narcotics Anonymous both have programs to help the loved ones of addicts.
Remember that it is not your fault
It can be very easy when you are coping with an alcoholic or a drug addict to fall into the trap of thinking it was your fault, or there was something you could have done to prevent it. However, it isn’t, and you probably couldn’t have done anything to stop it. Many addicts are predisposed to the illness, and many others are triggered by some sort of traumatic event happening in their life. As difficult as it is, tries not to take it personally. The same goes for if you do offer help and they do not take up that offer of help – it does not necessarily mean they do not appreciate you caring about them and wanting to help, it just means at that time, they are not ready to accept they have a problem or are not quite in the position to face it and seek treatment just yet. By showing them love and kindness, you are showing them that there is a way out of the vicious cycle of addiction and that when they are ready to, you are there for them and will support them.
Ultimately, the only person that can overcome an addiction to alcohol or drugs is the addict themselves. If they are not ready to make the decisions, there is very little that you can do other than remind them you are there when they do need you. However, it is important to make sure that you look after your own mental health and take care of yourself. Living with, or having a relationship with an addict can be very difficult, so make sure that you have the support that you need.